Being realistic with expectations

This week I attended a seminar about LDS woman and depression. The speaker, Kris Doty a professor at UVU who specializes in woman and depression, spoke about something that she called “toxic perfectionism” and it really struck a chord with me. There is an inherent conflict in doctrinal idea of “Be ye perfect” and the social culture that pervades the church that we never can be. Doctrinally to be “perfect” is to be complete or whole. This is not achieved in our lifetime. The Savior only put himself on the same level of perfection with Heavenly Father AFTER he had been resurrected (3rd Nephi 12:48). If the Savior in his mortal life was never considered “perfect” why do we think that we can be? This idea that we have of the “perfect” Mormon woman is someone who:  reads her scriptures daily, cooks a Gourmont meal every day, sews her kids clothes, exercises daily, always looks good for her spouse, does her visiting teaching on the first of every month, bakes fresh bread, does school projects, works on the side, cuts her kids hair, gardens and keeps an immaculate house. The list could go on and on but one of the points that Prof. Doty brought up is that this woman does not exist!! And this is not a bad thing! The gospel plan is often referred to as the “Plan of Happiness” and the gospel does bring a great peace and joy into our lives, this does NOT mean however that if we go through periods of unhappiness or depression that we are somehow not living the gospel to its fullest. If we place upon ourselves the pressures of perfection we will find that we cannot maintain that pace for long without sacrificing our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Enduring to the end will be much easier if we can realistically set boundaries for ourselves concerning what we can do. This gospel makes me happy but sometimes I am sad and that is okay.

Kristin

"Free Yourself From Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection"

Today I saw, "Free Yourself From Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection" on the LDS.org website and I immediately clicked the link. What followed was a beautiful talk reminding me about the all encompassing power of the Savior's Atonement. Below is a short excerpt:

"The Savior’s freely given atoning love helps us become more forgiving and less judgmental of others and of ourselves. This love heals our relationships and gives us opportunities to love, understand, and serve as our Savior would.

His atoning love changes our concept of perfection. We can put our trust in Him, diligently keep His commandments, and continue in the faith (seeMosiah 4:6)—even as we also feel greater humility, gratitude, and dependence on His merits, mercy, and grace (see 2 Nephi 2:8)."

Most times, my concept of perfection is completely skewed. An immaculate home, beautifully dressed children, a roast on the dinner table at exactly 5:30 when my husband arrives home, and of course my homemade apple pie for dessert (which I made 2 of to give one away, of course). While I'm typing this I realize how completely ridiculous this is, but apparently deep down, that is what I expect of myself- even if I don't neccesarily want that (I hate apple pie!)

But when I truly focus on the Savior, on what He wants for me, and on what He expects of me, I realize that perfectionism (at least my idea/the worlds perspective) is a tool of Satan. He wants us to get overwhelmed, unmotivated, depressed, & anxious over our weaknesses, to the point that we want to give up. That is not how the Savior works.

His infinite love surpasses anything we can comprehend, and as our Advocate with the Father, is fighting for our success. He loves us. He will always love us. And all He wants for us is to wake up each day, with a renewed hope that we will be better than yesterday.