More Than Just the Winter Blues

{Warning: This is a very personal post! You may or may not agree or understand, but this has been a recent and personal journey of mine that I feel to share…}

This past winter was a very difficult one for me. I’ve struggled on many levels. For the first time in my adulthood, I felt consistently down. I didn’t feel like myself. I got moody, irritable, and critical at the snap of a finger (Usually my own finger being pointed at someone else .) At first I just thought I had the winter blues. But after a few months it still wasn’t going away. {And I actually learned when it was time to put myself to bed, because I had nothing nice to say!}     

One day as I was feeling really down and out of sorts, these feelings took a name! I realized I was experiencing depression. As I validated what I was experiencing and was honest with myself, I realized I really needed the Lord’s help. Such a simple concept really, but many times, the answer is simple. I knew I wasn’t going to wake up the next day, “all better.” I knew then that I was being given a personal trial that could allow me to become closer and more like my Savior if I so chose.

I also took a personal life evaluation and recognized several contributing factors to my feelings of stress, discouragement, and negativity. Some of these factors I could control, most of them I could not. But either way, I understood that it was essential that my spirit be nourished on a daily basis. I began to devote more time to uplifting reading whether in the scriptures, conference talks, or church books. I had a newfound craving for spiritual messages. I could feel the hunger in my spirit. My personal prayers also became more meaningful and specific. I acknowledged what I was feeling, but sincerely prayed for the strength and guidance to overcome these feelings. I also focused on what factors I could control and strived to become at peace with those I could not. As I fed my spirit and tried to replace negative feelings with positive ones, I slowly started to feel better. I say slowly, because I had to work very hard at my negative feelings and they still got the better of me on many occasions. But I also saw progress, which renewed my hope and my resolve to keep trying. 

I also found Pres. Uchtdorf’s talk entitled, “Grateful in Any Circumstances,” most encouraging. He explained that we do not have to be pleased with our circumstances, but we can choose to be grateful for and acknowledge the blessings we do have. President Uchtdorf also taught the higher law of gratitude which is to be a grateful person, not just grateful for certain things. I’m encouraged by his words and feel a sincere desire to embrace this for myself and strive to cultivate a disposition of gratitude. 

I don’t remember the exact day anymore, but I do remember recently waking up one day and feeling like this fog had been lifted off of me and I felt more like myself again. In the spirit of gratitude I said a prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for this blessing. Although I still had a long way to go, I also knew that my prayers were heard and were answered.

My heart goes out to any and everyone who has experienced depression or may be going through it themselves. This is a very personal emotion because everyone experiences it differently and on different levels, but there are shared feelings. I’ve only shared from my own experiences. But I do know that we are loved eternally by our Heavenly Father. I know that our struggles are known and understood by our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am truly grateful and humbled by His infinite atonement that extends us the grace and mercy we need to not only be cleansed but also healed. Although I would not choose to feel depressed, I am grateful for the deeper understanding I have gained because of this trial. I move forward striving to feel His love more abundantly, being more mindful and grateful for His bounteous blessings, and daily exercising the power of our Savior’s infinite atonement.

---Dalynne