Overcoming Sadness and Finding Joy

When I was in Nursing School, we learned about Postpartum Depression.  I passed the test, did all the homework, and thought "surely mothers are just being self-centered, and not appreciative of their new children"  Yes. I realize this was horrible of me to think, and you know what? I definitely learned my lesson.  That lesson was learned through having children of my own, and suffering myself through this depression.  

At the time, I didn't understand what was going on. Here, I had a wonderful baby boy who was adorable, I had a loving supportive husband and things were going fine. No major setback, no major trials, nothing. But I HATED life. I would cry every night, and would yell and scream for no reason.  At the flip of a switch too.  One second I would be happy and laughing, and literally 2 SECONDS later, I was screaming and yelling and crying. My poor husband. Here he thought he married a sweet girl, only to find out I was a total Monster!  The first year after my little boy was born, was absolutely horrible, in my mind. I seriously could not think of anything good. Ever. Any day or night.  It was hard, to say the least.  Several things made it harder than it probably had to be.

First, I was in denial about what it was.  Postpartum Depression?  Me?  No way!  Life just stinks.  I refused to call it what it was, and seek help for it. And because of that, I was in a constant cycle of happy...sad...try harder...nope, still sad.

Second, Even after I started to realize it was Postpartum Depression, I thought 'I can handle it', 'I don't need help'.  I was too prideful to even consider asking for help. I thought, If the 'pioneer women could raise 10 children by themselves, by Golly, I should be able to handle 1.  This is such a horrible thought process, because it minimizes our own trials ( or someone else's trials) by comparing them.  People can handle different things. What is hard for me, may be easy for you, and vice versa. 

Third, I had this crazy notion that I was the only one who was suffering through this.  I seriously thought, 'This is only happening to me'. Boy, is that wrong!  So many women are going through this, but we keep it to ourselves.  Its hard when we seem to only see the 'perfect lives' of people, but we need to realize we are not the only ones struggling with this, there is strength in knowing we are not alone.  

Not to say Postpartum Depression isn't difficult by itself, because it surely is!  but, I also think I made it that much worse because of these three things.  And the more I have talked to other mothers...the more I have realized many of us go through this and do these three things.  

So many women go through this struggle. We need to never be afraid or ashamed. There are those who can help, either because they have gone through something similar or because they simply LOVE you! 

But there is hope.  There are so many ways that we can endure through this struggle and come out of this trial with happiness and hope in the future!  We are here to have JOY!  and to focus on the good in our lives!  And no, I'm not saying we can just think 'I'm going to be happy'  and then, magically we are happy.  I know it doesn't work like this. And I know some people struggle with Depression for years, possibly most of their lives.  No, what I am saying, is that when we put forth effort, whatever effort that is, big or small. then we will be blessed for it. Our Savior has not left us alone. He is here for us and He wants us to succeed. 

Elder Scott, in a talk entitled "Finding Joy in Life" wrote: "Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, “Men are, that they might have joy.”  That is a conditional statement: “they might have joy.” It is not conditional for the Lord. His intent is that each of us finds joy. It will not be conditional for you as you obey the commandments, have faith in the Master, and do the things that are necessary to have joy here on earth." You can find the talk here

I have learned that we can have hope for the future.  And this has come to me through faith, patience and understanding. 

To those who struggle with Depression, or any other mental struggles, I would suggest another talk, by Elder  Holland 'Like A Broken Vessel' found here.

-Cherstin